Self-Image Makeover

Shanta Lee

Welcome back to Twogether Money, everyone—where we explore how to be wealthy, do less, and have more, together. I'm Shanta Lee, the hostess of this party. Shall we begin?

Shanta Lee

If you’ve ever looked at your high income and thought, “Why do I still feel stuck—or maybe like I’m not even enjoying this?” then you are very much in the right place. Today, I want to take us deep into what Dr. Maxwell Maltz called the century's biggest psychological discovery: the self-image. Now before anyone tunes out thinking this is some squishy psychology thing with no impact on real financial life, hear me out. The way you and your partner see yourselves—who you believe you are and what’s possible for you—that’s the actual control center for every big money decision, every goal you chase, even how it feels to succeed or fall short. Maltz said it best: most people act, feel, and even accomplish only what their internal self-image says is possible. It’s kind of wild when you think about it. Like, you can have all the spreadsheets and all the systems—I’ve lived that life, trust me—but if you’re carrying a self-image that whispers “not enough” or “don’t mess it up,” you’ll find yourself self-sabotaging, hesitating to invest, or chasing milestones that never fill the hole. I used to chase financial goals like they were the end-all. More zeroes in the account, fancier vacations, checking every box. But it never added up to joy, not really. I traced it back, eventually, to these old scraps of identity I’d absorbed as a kid—this under-the-skin belief that I wasn’t enough, or that ease was for other people. I kept chasing worthiness through numbers. If that sounds familiar, you are so not alone. I’ve seen this, over and over, with the high-achieving couples I coach: they can earn double, triple what their parents ever did, but inside? They keep living out some old, invisible story. It’s not the account balance that’s the problem. It’s the self-image. And lucky for all of us, as Maltz discovered—that can be changed. Let’s tease that apart.

Shanta Lee

So how do we go about shifting that stubborn self-image? Maltz believed the real secret isn’t some big intellectual leap—it’s what he calls “experiencing.” The human brain built the self-image from vivid moments—things that were said to us, beliefs that got internalized, things we lived or even just imagined. Some of them happened way back in childhood; others just got repeated in our minds over and over until they felt like facts. But the exciting part is, the mind can be changed the same way—by giving it new, intentional experiences. You don’t need to spend years untangling every childhood story, but you do need to start “de-hypnotizing” yourself from beliefs that just aren’t true anymore. I know, easier said than done. But try this: when a belief pops up—like, “I always mess up money decisions” or “I’m just not good with investing”—pause and ask, is this an actual fact, or just an inherited opinion? Would you say the same about your partner, a friend? Why act as if it’s true, if it’s just a story you’ve been telling yourself? I do this little exercise with couples called “Theater of Your Mind.” All you do is, close your eyes and picture yourself handling a tough money conversation with total calm and confidence. Not how it went before—how you want it to feel, in vivid detail. Imagine hearing yourself respond with patience, seeing your partner relax, the whole energy in the room shifting. It sounds woo, but your mind actually treats this rehearsal as experience. The more you practice, the more likely you are to show up that way when the real scenario rolls around. That’s real science, not just wishful thinking. And this doesn’t mean you’re ignoring reality. It’s about consciously reprogramming your internal script—separating opinion from fact and feeding your self-image new evidence, on purpose. That’s the start of real change.

Shanta Lee

OK, so you’ve started questioning your old stories and you’ve begun imagining new outcomes. Now, how do you make it all stick—especially when the old autopilot kicks in? Here’s where a few tools from Maltz, and from my own group work, come in handy. Let’s talk about “acting as if.” For a lot of folks—including me, honestly—pretending to be relaxed around money, or behaving like you already have that wealth mindset, can feel fake at first. Weird, even. But the magic is: when you act as if, when you show up and speak those affirmations out loud, when you put visual reminders around your space, you’re actually giving your self-image those new experiences it craves. It rewires faster than just thinking about it.

Shanta Lee

And listen, the way you talk to yourself matters. Daily affirmations are not just a fluffy add-on. If you’re reinforcing things like “We handle money talks with grace,” or “I am capable of making wise financial moves,” you’re literally programming your mind’s success mechanism. I’m always harping on my clients to keep a “Success Journal”—nothing fancy, just a daily or weekly note about the wins, no matter how small. Not waiting for somebody else—your partner, your boss, the universe—to validate that you’re growing. You give that to yourself. There’s a couple—let’s call them Maya and Drew—from my last cohort. They committed to 21 days of daily mental rehearsal and affirmations, plus jotting down one tiny victory each night. At first, they told me it felt awkward, like, “Who are we trying to kid?” But three weeks in? Entire energy shift. They were bringing that confident identity to their money talks and ended up not just feeling better but actually increasing their savings. Goes to show: what you rehearse, you become.

Shanta Lee

One quick note—I always like to say, effort in this work is less about gritting your teeth and more about softening. You change best in a state of relaxation, not forcing it. Breathe, pause, let the new idea settle. You’re not trying to willpower your way into a new self. You’re practicing living it.

Shanta Lee

Alright, now, let’s get practical about making these changes stick in daily life. Because real talk, if you’re nodding along right now but your mornings are still chaos and your evenings are a Netflix haze, those new self-image practices won’t be around long. So, here’s what I use, personally and with couples: habit stacking. Borrowed from the world of behavior science, habit stacking just means pairing something new—like an affirmation or visualization—with a ritual you already do automatically. For example, as soon as I pour my first cup of coffee, I repeat my chosen affirmation, or visualize the day going smoothly. Or maybe you set a sticky note next to your toothbrush that says “I am a confident wealth creator,” so you see it first and last thing every day. The key is, make it so frictionless that you don’t have to remember or muscle through—just stack the new habit on top of the old one.

Shanta Lee

Now, for it to really work, you gotta get specific. Saying, “I want a better self-image” is vague; instead, pick a measurable goal. Maybe it’s journaling three positive traits about yourself each day. Or as a couple, jotting down one small thing you each handled like a team, right next to the toothbrush or coffee setup. The more concrete, the easier it is to track, and the more likely your brain is to believe it. Changes in self-image happen in daily, even tiny, increments—not overnight. Stack those habits with care, and suddenly that positive self-image becomes your new normal.

Shanta Lee

Now, I know it’s one thing to get fired up about all this, and another to keep it going after the initial energy fades. That’s where accountability—and a little bit of celebration—come in. If you’re partnered, make it something you check in on once a week over coffee or a walk—just a gentle, “What self-image wins did you have? What felt tough?” Kind of like we’ve discussed in previous episodes about having rituals that anchor your financial progress, except now it’s about who you’re becoming, not just what you’re saving or spending. If you’re solo or your partner isn’t game yet, grab a friend or a coach, but keep that touchpoint alive.

Shanta Lee

Visual reminders help here too. I love when couples create affirmation boards—could be fancy or just sticky notes all over the fridge or bathroom mirror—with those qualities you want to embody. Update them as you grow. That way, your space gently nudges you back to your new identity, every single day. And don’t sleep on the power of gratitude. It’s easy to gloss over all the tiny ways you’re stretching beyond your old self, but pausing to acknowledge progress—“Wow, I spoke up in that meeting,” or “We handled that bill without spiraling”—that’s fuel for growth. Solidifies the new belief, locks it in.

Shanta Lee

So, whether you’re miles along this journey or just taking baby steps, know this: your self-image is not set in stone, no matter your upbringing or even your past flops. Changing that inner picture is the real unlock—not just for your money, but for the joy you get to feel living this life together. Next time, we’ll keep building on this foundation—more tools, more stories, and of course, more real talk. Until then, give yourself a little credit for being here, and I’ll see you back for the next chapter. Take care, and keep growing together.

Shanta Lee

If this resonates with you, and you'd like to learn more, visit my website at TwogetherMoney.com. That's T-W-O gether money, like the number 2. And here's a fun fact: it's the only place where you can purchase my books, so get those fingers moving and I'll see you over there!