BE DO HAVE Unlocking True Financial Transformation

Shanta Lee

I remember Sarah and Tom sitting at their dining table, surrounded by stacks of statements and printouts, like the aftermath of a “Clarity Snapshot” and a “Reality Check.” I can almost see Tom running his hand through his hair, looking at all those numbers, and saying, “Okay, so we know exactly how much comes in, how much goes out, and where it went.” And Sarah, bless her, she’s nodding, but you can tell she’s thinking, “Now what?” They’ve got the facts, they’ve even talked through it without a single argument—progress!—but there’s this sense of, “Isn’t there supposed to be more?” Like, “How does knowing all this actually help us feel less stressed, more in control?” And honestly, that’s the question so many high-income couples ask. You do the work, you get the numbers, you even communicate better—maybe you’ve tried those ‘Money Dates’ we talked about in a previous episode—but you’re still stuck in this weird limbo between awareness and action.

Shanta Lee

Hello, and welcome to the Twogether Money Podcast, a place for high-income couples who wonder where it all went. My name is Shanta, and as a retired financial advisor with a counselling diploma, I'm here to help before it's too late.

Shanta Lee

And let’s be real, traditional money management tools—budgets, spreadsheets, all that—can feel like wrestling a grumpy badger. Unpleasant, and, uh, not likely to end well. I mean, you can have all the clarity in the world, but if you’re still feeling overwhelmed, or like you’re missing the “instruction manual,” it’s not really helping, is it? This is what I call the High-Income Paradox. You’ve got plenty of money, but the stress and disconnection just won’t quit. So what’s really missing? It’s not more data. It’s not another spreadsheet. It’s something deeper—something about who you are, not just what you do.

Shanta Lee

And that’s where the be-do-have framework comes in. This is, honestly, the operating system upgrade for your financial life. Most advice out there? It’s all about the do—what-to-do, what-not-to-do, which app to use, which account to open. But if you start there, you’re missing the foundation. The BE is where the transformation actually begins.

Shanta Lee

So let’s break it down. Be is about consciously defining and stepping into the identity of the person you need to be to create the financial life you want. It’s your mindset, your self-image, your core beliefs about money. I always come back to Psycho-Cybernetics—if you’ve ever heard me nerd out about that book, you know it’s all about setting the target for your internal “success mechanism.” If you set your target to “Wealth Creator,” your subconscious starts working toward that reality. You start to think, feel, and act like a Wealth Creator. And this isn’t about faking it till you make it—it’s about choosing and embodying your future self, right now.

Shanta Lee

Then comes the do. Once you’re clear on who you want to be, the actions—the doing—become so much more natural. You’re not forcing yourself to budget or save or invest because you “should.” You’re doing it because it’s who you are. It’s congruent. It feels good. And then, have is just the natural result. When you embody the Wealth Creator identity and take actions that match, you start to have the outcomes: more wealth, more peace, more choices, more generosity.

Shanta Lee

I’ll tell you, I used to be all about the numbers game. Spreadsheets, projections, all of it. But what I saw, over and over, was that the clients who made the biggest shifts weren’t the ones with the fanciest budgets—they were the ones who changed how they saw themselves. When I finally walked away from the firm, it was because I realized: mindset precedes math. Identity precedes action. That’s where the magic is.

Shanta Lee

Let’s make this real. Mark and Linda—two high earners, but their finances were, well, kind of a mess. They were a classic Financial Avoider and High-Earning Spender combo. But instead of just trying to “fix” their habits, they started with being. They decided, together, that they wanted to be a couple who felt calm, organized, and strategic about money. They visualized it, talked about what that version of themselves would be like—proactive, generous, communicative.

Shanta Lee

Then, they do: they set up regular money meetings, automate their savings and investments with the 70/30 framework—if you’ve listened to earlier episodes, you know I love that system—and track their net worth monthly. But here’s the thing: these actions weren’t chores. They were just what a Wealth Creator couple does. And within a year? They had less anxiety, a clear financial picture, a growing investment portfolio, and, honestly, a stronger partnership.

Shanta Lee

So, how do you start? Grab a journal. Forget the numbers for a second. Ask yourself: What does your ideal wealthy life feel like? What qualities does your Wealth Creator self have? How would you spend your time if money were no object? And if you woke up tomorrow as that person, what’s the first small thing you’d do differently? Don’t rush this. Defining your BE state is the blueprint for everything that follows.

Shanta Lee

And if you’re wondering about the practical tools—like the 70/30 system or money meetings—those flow naturally once you’re clear on your be. We’ll get into those in more detail, but for now, focus on the foundation.

Shanta Lee

Now, let’s talk about making this stick. It’s one thing to define your be state, but how do you actually live it, day to day? Begin by establishing three daily habits that reinforce your Wealth Creator identity. Maybe it’s morning affirmations—something as simple as, “I am calm and confident with money.” Or a quick financial visualization, picturing yourself making empowered choices. Or maybe it’s intentional spending—pausing before a purchase to ask, “Is this aligned with who I want to be?”

Shanta Lee

Then, design a weekly reflection practice. Set aside ten minutes, maybe Sunday night, to check in: Did my actions this week match my be state? Where did I drift? What can I adjust? This isn’t about beating yourself up—it’s about gentle course correction.

Shanta Lee

And if you’re in a partnership, create a ritual around this. Maybe it’s a regular check-in where you talk about your money mindsets and progress—not just the numbers, but how you’re both feeling, what’s working, what’s not. That way, you’re not just managing money together; you’re growing together, too.

Shanta Lee

Let’s go a little deeper. Visualization is one of my favorite tools for embodying your Wealth Creator identity. Take a few minutes each morning—close your eyes, and really picture yourself living your ideal financial life. What do you see, hear, and feel? Is it the sound of laughter over a paid-off dinner table, the feeling of ease as you check your accounts, the smell of coffee on a slow, abundant morning? The more sensory detail, the better.

Shanta Lee

Next, create a set of affirmations that are tailored to your core wealth values. Maybe it’s, “I am generous and wise with my resources,” or “I trust myself to make empowered financial decisions.” Say them out loud each morning. It might feel a little awkward at first, but trust me, it works.

Shanta Lee

And finally, set up a routine for ongoing mindset calibration. I like weekly ‘identity check-ins’—just a few minutes to review your behaviors and beliefs, and make sure they’re still in sync with your Wealth Creator self. It’s like tuning an instrument; a little adjustment keeps everything harmonious.

Shanta Lee

So, how do you keep this alive in the long term? One thing I love is finding a role model or mentor who really embodies the wealth identity you aspire to. Watch how they think, how they act, what habits they have. It’s not about copying them, but letting their example inspire your own path.

Shanta Lee

Then, set a monthly challenge for yourself—something that nudges you out of your comfort zone. Maybe it’s negotiating a bill, investing in something new, or even just having a vulnerable money conversation with your partner. Every time you stretch, you reinforce your BE state.

Shanta Lee

And don’t forget gratitude. Create a ritual—maybe at the end of each month—where you focus on your current financial blessings and the abundance you’re creating. It’s easy to get caught up in what’s next, but celebrating what you have now strengthens those positive emotions and keeps you anchored in your Wealth Creator identity.

Shanta Lee

Alright, that’s a wrap for today. Remember, this is a journey, not a checklist. Keep coming back to your be, and let the do and the have flow from there. I’ll see you next time on Twogether Money, where we’ll keep making wealth both mystical and practical—together.

Shanta Lee

If this resonates with you, and you'd like to learn more, visit my website at TwogetherMoney.com. That's T-W-O gether money, like the number 2. And here's a fun fact: it's the only place where you can purchase my books, so get those fingers moving and I'll see you over there!