The Four Buckets of Truth

Shanta Lee

Mike leans back from his laptop, lets out this low whistle, and Jenna’s there, surrounded by a fortress of highlighted credit card statements. She looks up, all curious, and he just points at the spreadsheet. “Did we really spend that much on Fun and Lifestyle last month?” And you know, it’s not just them. I’ve seen this moment play out with so many couples—heck, I’ve lived it myself. The first time I ever sat down and categorized every single expense in my own life, I was convinced I was just a “coffee shop on weekends” kind of person. Turns out, those little café runs? They added up to more than my phone bill. I mean, I almost fell off my chair. It’s wild how our brains can gloss over the small stuff until it’s staring us in the face, all totaled up. But here’s the thing: this isn’t about shame or finger-pointing. It’s about knowledge. It’s about facing the facts, not beating ourselves up. We’re not here to judge—we’re here to get clear. Because clarity, even when it stings a little, is the first step to real freedom with your money. And honestly, sometimes the truth is just surprising. Like, you think you’re a “responsible spender,” but then you see those numbers and go, “Wait, what?” That’s normal. That’s human. And that’s precisely why we do this work together.

Shanta Lee

Hello, and welcome to the Twogether Money Podcast, a place for high-income couples who wonder where it all went. My name is Shanta, and as a retired financial advisor with a counselling diploma, I'm here to help before it's too late.

Shanta Lee

Alright, let’s get practical. We need a way to organize all this outflow data, right? Enter the Four Buckets. This is my favorite part because it’s simple, but it’s powerful. So, here’s how it breaks down: Bucket one is Living Expenses—think rent or mortgage, groceries, transportation, insurance, all the stuff that keeps the lights on and the wheels turning. Bucket two is Unexpected or One-Off Expenses. This is where you stick the stuff that doesn’t happen every month—like that big car repair, or, I don’t know, Aunt Carol’s birthday gift that you forgot about until the last minute.

Shanta Lee

Here’s where the magic happens. Once you’ve assigned every dollar, add up the totals for each bucket over the three to six months, then divide by the number of months. That gives you your average monthly spending in each category. And let me tell you, this is the moment when couples go from “I think we spend about…” to “Oh, wow, we spend…” It’s like turning on the lights in a dark room. Suddenly, you can see exactly where your money’s going and no more guessing, no more money mysteries. And this is huge, because now you have a foundation for every financial decision you make going forward. I always encourage couples to talk about how it feels to see the real numbers. Were you surprised? Relieved? Maybe a little embarrassed? That’s all normal. I’ve seen couples who thought they were “bad with money” realize they’re doing better than they thought, and others who were shocked by how much was slipping through the cracks. But the best part? Once you both see the same numbers, the conversation changes. It’s not “your spending” or “my spending”—it’s “our reality.” And that’s where real teamwork starts.

Shanta Lee

Now that you’ve got your averages, it’s time to look for patterns. Are there certain months where your Fun/Lifestyle bucket spikes—maybe around holidays or summer vacations? Do you notice that Unexpected/One-Offs always seem to pop up right when you least expect them? That’s not a coincidence, by the way. Life has a way of throwing curveballs. But when you review your categorized data over several months, you start to see trends. Maybe your Living Expenses are steady, but your Fun spending jumps every time you get a bonus. Or perhaps those “one-off” expenses aren’t as rare as you thought. This is where you set realistic benchmarks for each bucket. What does a typical month look like for you? Where might you want to make adjustments? And don’t just keep this to yourself—talk it over with your partner, or even a financial advisor if you have one. Sometimes, just saying it out loud helps you see things differently. You might realize you’re both okay with spending more on travel, but want to rein in the takeout habit. Or maybe you spot a recurring expense you’d forgotten about, like that subscription you never use. The point is, you’re not just collecting data—you’re using it to understand your habits and make intentional choices.

Shanta Lee

Okay, so you’ve spotted some patterns—now what? This is where you get to play detective. Look for months where your spending was significantly higher than usual. Was there a significant event, such as a wedding or a home repair? Or did you just have a “treat yourself” month that got a little out of hand? Analyzing these outliers helps you figure out if they’re one-time blips or signs of a bigger trend. From there, you can set clear, measurable goals for each bucket. The key is to base your goals on your actual data, not some random number you found online. And here’s the secret sauce: make this a regular thing. Set a monthly check-in to review your categorized spending. It doesn’t have to be a big production—just a quick look at the numbers, a chat about what’s working, and a tweak or two if needed. Over time, these little check-ins keep you aware, flexible, and in control. Your budget isn’t set in stone—it’s a living, breathing thing that grows with you.

Shanta Lee

So, now you’ve got all this beautiful, honest data—what do you do with it? Start by identifying your priority areas. Maybe you notice your Lifestyle bucket is crowding out your Long-Term Savings, or you realize you’re not setting aside enough for those inevitable “unexpected” expenses. This is your chance to make targeted changes, not just broad resolutions. And if you’re tired of doing all this by hand, there are plenty of tools and apps that can help automate the tracking and categorization process. I’m a big fan of anything that makes life easier and keeps you consistent. But remember, the real power comes from regular review. Schedule those financial check-ins with your partner—or with your advisor if you have one. Use these sessions to assess your progress, adjust your goals, and ensure you’re still aligned with your bigger financial vision. Because at the end of the day, this isn’t just about numbers—it’s about building a life that feels rich, together. Alright, that’s it for today’s episode. Next time, we’ll talk about how to actually design your money flow using the 70/30 strategy, so you can start putting all this clarity into action. Until then, keep facing the truth, keep talking, and remember: you’re not alone on this journey. See you next week.

Shanta Lee

If this resonates with you, and you'd like to learn more, visit my website at TwogetherMoney.com. That's T-W-O gether money, like the number 2. And here's a fun fact: it's the only place where you can purchase my books, so get those fingers moving and I'll see you over there!